Disclaimer: We had a 22-month old when we brought our daughter home so this is the lens I will be referencing from.
Last year we transitioned from one little to two. Our transition had some beautiful moments and some challenging moments so I thought I would share a few tips and some nice resources that you can use that may help make the transition a little easier.
To start, try to limit introducing any BIG changes to your toddler a few weeks before or after baby’s arrival. We wanted to try to potty train our oldest daughter, but trying to do that while adjusting to a newborn was not our best idea so we took a pause.
I would also suggest trying to keep your toddler’s routine as close to normal as possible. This may be a hard one to do while fighting sleep deprivation and you may need to loosen their routine but by keeping the major events the same (for example, daddy reads me a story before bed) can help your toddler adjust to their new life with baby.
In terms of how your toddler may react to their new baby sister or brother, there is quite a range. Our daughter was totally in love with her new baby sister and wanted to hold her and help with her as much as possible. Not all toddlers will react the same. Some may be indifferent and will not acknowledge the new baby or others may be a little less excited that a new little person is coming into their home and taking their time away from their parents. Regardless of how your child responds, know that it is NORMAL. Our children will not always respond the way we would like them to but this does not mean that their response is wrong.
When trying to prepare your toddler for a new sibling there are a few things we did that proved helpful:
- Read books that have babies in them and have your toddler/big kid identify the baby and activities you will be doing with the baby (for example, changing diapers).
- Buy your toddler a baby doll to play with. Your toddler may even try to change the baby doll’s diaper or feed the baby doll. This is handy when you bring baby home as well. For example, your toddler can feed their baby doll while you feed the baby.
- Work on personal boundaries (early). If you have an overly affectionate toddler like ours, trying to work on boundaries may be beneficial once you bring baby home. Do not be surprised if this takes some time. We are still working on boundaries and our baby girl is 8 months old.
- Let your older child help out when they would like, but within reason. With our oldest daughter, we let her throw away her little sister’s dirty diapers or hand us something we needed (like wipes or a blanket). She wanted to be very hands on and we tried to let her as much as possible.
Something to Keep in Mind
I cannot stress this enough, but with toddlers keep a close eye on them when they are with their baby brother or sister. Toddlers mean well but they definitely have no impulse control. This means that if they want to see what happens when they hit their baby brother or baby sister, that is exactly what they are going to do. For us, while the girls are awake and together, we are with them at all times. There are a few items that have helped us if we need to do something (like cook) and we need to ensure there is some space between the two. We love using carriers for our baby or we put her in something that our oldest daughter cannot get through so easily (i.e. a Pack-N-Play, a gate around baby, or we put her in a bouncer/activity table near us where she is within our sight and reach).
Also, try to give your adjusting toddler some one-on-one time. Even if it is only 10 minutes a day, they will appreciate it. We noticed with our oldest daughter that the amount of tantrums she was having decreased once she felt she had a little bit of time by herself with mommy and/or daddy.
Lastly, transitioning from one child to two can be very emotional and challenging. It is the sweetest thing in the world when you see your children bonding but it can also be very frustrating (like when your oldest has just hit your defenseless baby). Remember to take a moment to breathe when getting overwhelmed, try to do what you can when you can, and to give yourself (and your partner) plenty of grace along the way.
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Helpful Resources
Chaunie Brusie, R. N. (2020, April 7). How to introduce your toddler to a new baby in the family. Verywell Family. Retrieved January 28, 2022, from https://www.verywellfamily.com/introducing-your-toddler-to-a-new-baby-4137367
Lisa Trottier|Medically reviewed byKelley Yost Abrams, P. D. (n.d.). Helping your 2-year-old adjust to a new sibling. BabyCenter. Retrieved January 28, 2022, from https://www.babycenter.com/family/siblings/helping-your-2-year-old-adjust-to-a-new-sibling_3636624
Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. (2020, September 29). New sibling: Preparing your older child. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved January 28, 2022, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/new-sibling/art-20044270